Below is the main body of an email I receive every morning from Divorce Care.
I began going to this roughly 140 days ago, really in response to some of the things I’ve been counseling about since the beginning of the year. To be honest, deep down I wasn’t convinced that I needed this. I have to pray about my inherent arrogance, although it quickly became apparent to me that I did/do need this. The wisdom, humility and grace of those leading the sessions has been the thing that has allowed me to begin to see my position in the whole situation, the “you are here” marker on the map. And so once again, this email arrives today with a perfectly timed and, hopefully, received message.
To help you deal with your loneliness, you need to develop realistic expectations about relationships.
Dr. Les Carter explains: “Make certain that you have proper expectations regarding the things that can and cannot come from relationships. Many times people who have a been through a divorce think to themselves that they want to have that ultimate relationship so they can prove to themselves and to the rest of the world they really are somebody.
“Be realistic in recognizing that there’s no perfection, and you’re not going to reach that ultimate ideal in your relationships. Then, when you have difficulties, it doesn’t mean you’ve reached the ultimate bottom either.”
Take time to think about what you have learned from past and current relationships and how you can apply it to future relationships. You will not learn if you are too focused on yourself and your problems, rather than on forward movement, growth, and application. Remember, your goal is not to have perfect relationships, but to learn how to grow together through hard times.
God is a sure foundation for any relationship. Ask God to guide you in your present and future relationships.
“The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail” (Isaiah 58:11).