Looking at the picture above, you know it couldn’t have ended well.
I was talking with a good friend of mine today on the way home from work. The kids are out of school, and everyone is hanging out at the house in this part of the world. We are having some serious snow, and freezing rain, which makes things very interesting.
Our conversation was about the appropriate response, our response, to world-wide happenings. Spiritual, political, or otherwise.
The struggle is that my first response, generally, is incorrect. It’s not what Christ would do, for sure. And it’s probably not what any other good person would do either.
If confronted by terrorism, for instance, I’m not sure if my response would be to shoot first, or to pray for them. Probably both, but again, perhaps not in the “right” order.
But my friend made a very good point. That we cannot entirely plan what our response will be. If we do, we have taken God out of the equation.
Great figures of the past, specifically biblical, have responded in both ways, depending upon how God directed them.
I’m having to stop and think about that concept, truly.
If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.
That sounds like someone who has a foot in each realm.
That’s a challenge to me right now, to be honest. I am sometimes frightened by my response to so many things. Have I become hardened, do I have a callous heart? If so, I pray that God in His grace softens it.
I hear the words that come out of my mouth sometimes. And am surprised.
That’s not who I am inside, or is it? Have I changed so greatly that I no longer know myself?
I pray not.
But the last 5 years has taken a toll on me emotionally, spiritually. I am NOT the man that I once was. At least I don’t see it.
Since 2010, I’ve divorced, bought and sold a home, and travelled through some incredibly trying places personally and professionally.
Now I find myself geographically close to some of the people that I want to spend the rest of my life with, but not close enough. I’m not sure if this is just a temporary holding pattern, or my final position.
And I have to honestly tell you that I’m not sure how much more I can endure, how much farther I can truly go before I am forced to ground. I feel the weight of the journey in my body, I really do. And that can’t be good.
This has all taught me that life is far too short, and that we can waste precious time, playing games in our own heads, entertaining sweet dreams that actually prevent us from reaching out and taking hold of what God has already set before us. Is it simply out of simple self-deception, or is it more profound than that?
It could be that our own self-delusions are used by the enemy to waylay us, shortstop us on the journey that God has set before us.
And that our fears prevent us from taking hold of life. That in honouring our fears, we prevent the life that is waiting for us and those around us. That’s not honorable.
Sometimes thinking hurts.